pace yourself

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EPISODE NO. 3

THE DARING ROMANTICS PODCAST

it does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.

— confucius

for the most part — i love to learn things on my own. i feel like when i do, the lessons are engraved into the fabrics of my being. they become my truths. but, if there’s one thing i wish — it’s this — i wish someone would have told me to pace myself in my journey of creating. 

i wish that someone would have told me that it was okay to go a little slower. that it wasn’t weak.

we live in such a fast paced world — everything happens within minutes, seconds, milliseconds. we work, and we want to see results. we want to see the fruits of our labor. and when we don’t see something happen— we work harder, produce more, and ramp up our efforts in order to see things move forward. 

we see the people around us moving at lightening speeds — so, we run as fast as we can towards our goals in efforts to keep up. to stay in the proverbial race. 

but, the race — it can be tiring. 

and, too many times, we don’t listen to our bodies when it says “slow down”, “let me rest”, “i need a breather”. we push— harder and harder. thinking that if we slow down— then we’re weak. if we slow down we’re not as strong, as powerful as the people running beside us.

but — gosh. that’s just not true. 

i’ve learned that. 

the hard way (and, in more ways than one.) 

in today’s episode of the daring romantics, i’m opening up about this past season of my life — the burnout i experienced and i really wish that someone would have come along side of me and told me “lindsey, pace yourself.” 

my greatest hope is that after this episode, you’ll feel refreshed and have a sigh of relief that it’s okay to pace yourself and not run at full speed all the time.

this one is for the doers, the dreamers, the humans who want to move mountains and make it to the finish line strong.

you can listen to the episode on iTunes, here.

and, please —write me. tell me what you think. what you’re experiences have been.

we’re all in this together, friends.

xoxo, 

lindsey eryn 

overcoming fear and making magic!

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episode no. 2

the daring romantics podcast

the desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. however, too often — many of us sit on the sidelines of life with our ideas. we sit still waiting for the “right time”, scared of failing, and waiting for all the pieces to come perfectly together.

but, what if we stopped waiting — what if we got off the sidelines and just dived into creating? and figured it out along the way?

because — i think that’s what we were meant to do. when i think about creation— it’s supposed to be fun, playful, full of discovery and exploration. but, too often— we’re treating it with such a serious posture. intimidated by it. meanwhile, we’re missing out on the very thing that we were created to do.

we were created to create. 

we’re here on this earth — 
not just to live out a mundane routine and binge on netflix. 
but we’re here to fulfill a purpose.

so, what’s that thing? that idea? that dream? that you’ve been wanting to create, produce, and launch into the world? 

it’s time to start going after it. 
there’s no time to waste. 

the world needs the ideas that are inside of you.

this week, on the daring romantics podcast, i’m talking about the roadblocks — fear, perfectionism, the fear of failing, the unknown—  that hold many of us back and on the sidelines and how we can over come them in order to create magic in the world. you can listen to the episode, here.

if there’s one thing that i hope you walk away with this week, it’s this: TRUST YOUR CREATIVITY. 

you’ve got this. 
you were born to create. 
you were born to leave a lasting legacy.

cheers and xo’s, 

lin 

the next right thing

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Episode no. 1 

the daring romantics podcast

this past season, i’ve been experiencing a lot of change. change is good — but, it’s hard. right? i’m pretty sure, we’ve all been there once or twice before. 

but, what i love about the changing of seasons is that usually something new and beautiful is birthed from it. for instance, right now, in many parts of the country (minus san diego which is still acting like it’s still summer) — leaves are changing colors and falling to the ground. but, with this change — comes beautiful scenes, chilly fall weather, warm drinks + the beginning of community gatherings.

okay, so— what am i getting at? 

something beautiful has been birthed from my season of change and figuring life out — a podcast, the daring romantics. it’s a business + lifestyle podcast created for the dreamers, visionaries + idea people who dare to move mountains, disrupt culture, and live well.

you see, i really want to bring the magic + wonder back into my life. and, my guess is— i’m not alone in this.

so, this podcast, the daring romantics — is less about the “how to’s” of entrepreneurship and more about the heart and soul of it all. it’s conversation about building something, bringing restoration to our souls, and living well throughout the process of creating.

we’re all in this together, friend. 

and, i think that when we embrace our humanity and our story — we can share it in a way that creates transformation wherever we go. so, i’m embarking on this new journey— crossing my fingers that you come with me.

today, i released the first episode titled “the next right thing” — which is all about the question i have been asking myself in this season of life — “what is the next right thing?”

wherever you are in life, whatever season of life you find yourself in — i hope that this podcast can be soothing to your soul. 

you can follow along and listen on iTunes by searching for “the daring romantics”.

take a listen, subscribe, and leave a review — i’d love to hear your thoughts!! 

so much love to you.

cheers!! 

lindsey eryn 

the biggest lesson i learned from planning a conference

song: alps by novo amor

read time: 5.5 mintues 

i’m back. okay, truth be told — i’ve been back for a week or two from new york. but, gahh — ineeded a second or two to catch my breath. wild hearts conference was everything and more. i am blown away by how beautiful the event was — p.s. about to get all teary-eyed in starbucks thinking about it.

i am still processing everything that i learned throughout this past season — it was so much. i can tell you, i’m not the same person as i was at the beginning of this year — changed happened, good change. heart change, soul change.

one of the biggest lessons that i learned throughout this seasons was the importance of RESTING within chasing the dream.

okay, i’m just gonna break it down as simply as a i can.

so bare with me. 

i think for so many of us, my self included, we chase a dream and the whole time we are striving. our pursuit of the dream kinda looks like a kid wearing floaties and trying to tread water. but, the kid, God bless his soul, can’t shake the fear of drowning. so, in the process of treading water — he’s kicking and screaming and flailing around. we all know we’ve seen that kid at the pool. but, we all know, if the kid would calm down and rest — he’d realize that all he needs to do is tread water to stay afloat and that his floaties will keep him above water if he gets tired. but, instead, he’s wasting energy and stamina by his fear of drowning.

sometimes, we are a lot like this kid. 

we’re so fearful of failing, not meeting our goals, or not making an impact— that we find ourselves striving as we chase our dreams.

don’t get me wrong— i’m not saying that we shouldn’t work hard for our dreams. but, i do think there is a difference between working hard and striving. in fact, in the dictionary, strive is defined as “struggle or fight vigorously”. 

i don’t believe that we were meant to struggle or to experience the copious amounts of worry, stress, fear, and self-doubt that we do sometimes as we chase our dreams. i believe that while challenges and chaos arise within the pursuit of our dreams — that our souls were meant to be at rest throughout the process.

i know — that sounds like a contradiction. but, here’s the thing — when we worry / stress / and entertain feelings of fear and self-doubt, we don’t leave room for faith. and, faith — it’s a big part of how we see our dreams come true. faith that we have what it take. faith that everything is going to work out for our good. faith that our idea matters. faith that people will gravitate to what we are building. faith that our work isn’t in vain. faith that opportunities are coming. faith that what we do will flourish.

faith cannot co-exist with worry / doubt / fear.
it’s one or the other. 

but, where faith exists — rest exists, too. 
faith takes your soul to a state of rest. 

faith takes you to a place where you believe that anything can happen, where you see possibility instead of impossibility, where vision is greater than reality, where seasons change, and miracles happen. 

if we’re going to be the dream chasers that see our dreams pierce through the atmosphere and become reality, then we need to be the people who have faith against all odds. we need to be the people that when problems arise, we know there is a solution that compliments it. when we experience roadblocks, we see new paths being carved. when we experience chaos, we head to the center of the storm and find peace. when we experience challenges, we look for possibility.

you see — 

i think one of the reasons that conference was so beautiful for me was due to discovering the importance of this shift— from striving to resting. at the beginning of the year, i found myself burned out / tired / and striving to make things happen. during spring, i realized— “this is no way to live or dream!” while nothing was going as planned in life, business, or dreaming — i chose to allow faith be the center of conversation in my mind. when problems came up, iconsciously decided to take on the attitude “everything will work out.” i started waking up every morning saying “let my work be produced by faith, my labor be prompted by love, and my endurance be inspired by the hope of Christ.” like anything, at first, it took so much mental strength to let faith be the main conversation. but, eventually, it became so natural. and when it did, i found my soul in a state of rest in the midst of dream chasing.

i can tell you — with complete honesty and confidence — i’ve never felt the kind of peace that i did the final months + days leading up to conference. behind the scenes — there was definitely room for stress and panic mode — i mean, hello! we were throwing an event in brooklyn — miles away from our homes, without cars to run errands, and without an official volunteer staff. but, in the midst of the chaos, there was a center of peace that was restful and cultivated by faith.

these months, and this truth, has changed how i work and dream. 

fear / doubt / worry no longer have a place. there’s no room for them when faith is the center of conversation

so, here’s my challenge— 

let’s be dreamers who don’t get caught up in stress / worry / doubt / and fear. but, intentionally focus on having faith that everything will work out on our behalf. let’s stop striving and start resting as we dream chase. 

i am confident— that if we do, we’ll ENJOY the process so much more and when we get to our finish lines — it will be more beautiful and breathtaking than we ever anticipated.

may your work be produced by faith.
may your soul be at rest throughout the process. 
an may gracecarry  you through.

xoxo, 

LC

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"we received the same promises as those in the wilderness, but the promises didn't do them any good because they didn't RECEIVE THE PROMISES WITH FAITH. if we believe, though, we will experience a state of RESTING." [hebrews 4:1-3]

photography by: nick livingston, max kutz, and cody jensen

did college set us up for failure?

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read time: 4.5 mintues 

song: sun by sleeping at last

an old college friend asked me tonight if i thought college set us up for failure — we were told we would be great, we were told that we’d be world changers, we were told that we’d conquer the impossible. but for many of us, when we left college — we got slammed with reality and life led us down paths we didn't expect. not everyone wanted to believe in us, not everyone wanted to take a chance on us, not everyone wanted to give us an opportunity. 

i have a couple thoughts and they starts with this: 

an instructor can teach you how to swim. he can train you, build up your confidence with his words, and teach you how to be good. but, at the end of the day, when you dive into the water — you’re the person who has to swim. no one can do it for you. when the ocean waves come, one after another, you’re the one who has to dive under the wave and hold your breath. and you’re the one who has to find the surface, where water meets the sky, and take a deep breath and keep on swimming.

in these moments, its up to you to take the training, wisdom, and words of confidence and use them to keep swimming. 

the same goes for life.

we can be taught, trained, and built up — but it’s up to us to create our lives.

too often, we wait for others to believe in us, to take a chance on us, to fight for us — when, gosh darn it! we need to be believing in ourselves first and foremost. we ought to be taking a chance on ourselves before anyone else does. we ought to be fighting for our dreaming harder than anyone around us. 

the fact is, life doesn’t always move according to our timeline. but just because life isn’t moving at the pace that we want it to, doesn’t mean that our dreams aren’t going to come true. it means, we’re still being shaped. we’re still being strengthened. we’re still being developed. we’re still building character so that we’re strong enough to hold our big, wild, extravagant dream when it comes. 

but, too often— we quit. we give up. we stop— right before life can ever hand us our dream. we get tired of waiting, of being faithful, of being diligent, of being patient, of seeing others experienced fulfilled dream — so we give up. and decide that life isn’t fair and God must have forgotten us— all because life isn’t listening to the timeline we made. 

but, being honest — i think it’s less about a college / parent / job setting us up for failure, life being unfair, or God failing us — and more about us just not being patient enough.

years ago, my mother gave me some of the most “mom, i don’t want to hear this — but yeh, you’re right!” advice. she told me, “throw out your timelines and be okay with God’s timeline.”

our dreams don’t have an expiration date. but, too often, we throw them way before we can ever have a beautiful collision with them.

it’s time we own our actions. it's time we throw out our timelines. it’s time we man up, dig our feet deep into the earth — and say “i’m here! and i’m not leaving or giving up!” it’s time to start fighting for our dreams despite the obstacles, challenges, and circumstances we face. 

the only thing that separates those who are living extravagantly full lives from those who are living with a mourning of unfilled dreams is that the first never gave up — they stayed faithful to the dream against all odds.

so, no — i don’t think that college failed us. 

i think college gave us the tools and it was up to each of us to go out into the world with courage + determination to make a mark on the world. we were all kids when we left college — of course, we walked into the world with rose colored glasses thinking that making a difference in the world was going to be some form of “easy”. it takes more than passion. passion is emotional— it’s fleeting. it takes grit. valor. determination. while life may throw us a few curve balls, it's our responsibility to guard our hearts and to not allow our souls to become jaded. it’s our duty to hold on to hope and believe against all odds. 

the beautiful thing — it’s never too late. grace is always there cheering us on. waiting for us to take our place in the world.

whoever you are, wherever you are — don’t buy into the lie that life has failed you, that God has forgotten you, or that life is unfair. 

you were created for a purpose. your dream was not given to you to tease you. it’s something that you were meant to live out. don’t give up on yourself, your dream, or your ideas. don’t stop fighting for what you want. life will be good to you, God will be faithful to you— but you have to stay faithful to the dream, too. 

getting to the other side of depression: my personal journey

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song: awakening by random forest

read time: 11 minutues 

please note: this is my personal journey and what i experiened with depression and how i came out of it. the words that follow are not meant to replace professonal counsel. also, oh, and, btw, i never went to grad school to continue my degree in psychology — i'm not a professional, just another human whose championed to the other side. 

the past twenty-four hours, i’ve really been reminded of the never failing truth —  WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. 

i posted on instagram a glimpse into my experience with depression— and, my gosh. i never could have imagined that it would spark so much within so many people.

after receiving direct message from so many people, i felt like i should write a blog post — for the one person who may be out there that didn’t feel like they could or should write in — but wanted to say “me too!” or “i’m in the darkest hole of my life and don’t know how to get out!”

my junior of college felt like absolute hell on earth and a lot of what happened during the course of that year was out of control. it was one thing after another that kept on punishing me in the face and knocking the wind out of me. i lost the majority of my friends who thought i was a mess and “didn’t want to be associated with me”. i had professors tell me that i was a disgrace and would never amount to anything, university administration tell me that i was a disgrace to the university and was unfit to be a leader, and a circle of friends who left me high and dry when life got messy.

growing up as a pastor’s kid, i was taught to always turn to God. but, this time — i couldn’t. this time, i didn’t want to. i was too mad, too upset, too frustrated, and too confused about why so much bad stuff was happening to me. i hid my Bible for months — not wanting to look at it, not wanting to feel guilty for not spending time with God. to be completely honest, i wasn’t even trying to “trust God” at this point of life. i was too overwhelmed with emotion to do anything more than exist

i had never felt so alone — my family didn’t really understand what i was going through, the friends that did stick around only wanted to hang out if i was going to be “fun” or “happy”, and as much as i wanted to turn to university leadership — i didn’t feel as if i could — after all, a lot of what i was going through was because of their words, their actions, and their failings.

as much as i wanted to go to counseling, it wasn’t an option for me — i didn’t have the money, the support, or the resources to get help. 

for months, i’d go to class counting down the minutes that i could go back to my dorm room and fall asleep and pretend like the madness was gone for just a littlebit. i spent my nights alone at the park on 91st and riverside, crying my eyes out, journaling, and wondering how the heck i was going to get out of the dark hole i was in. 

as hard as i tried to “be happy”, it just wasn’t working. the attempts to be happy felt like trying to grab the wind— impossible. 

i was so sick and tired of being depressed, crying all the time, being alone — and, ultimately, being a victim. the turning point came one night — it was almost midnight, and i decided that i couldn’t live like this anymore. it wasn’t leading me anywhere good. being where i was, was only taking me to darker places.

i grabbed my Bible out of hiding, and drove to an empty parking lot and opened up my Bible just hoping that i would land somewhere that would give me hope. and that somehow God would find a way to speak to me even though i pushed him away. 

i found myself in ephesians 2— a chapter that i had read a million times over since i was little. but this time, the words found me in a new way, they meant something deeper to me — “but because of his great love for us, God who is rich in mercy, MADE US ALIVE WITH CHRIST even when we were dead in transgressions — it is by his grace that you have been saved.” 

there was this “ah-ha” moment— i realized and acknowledged that i had been walking around so dead when that wasn’t how i was made to live. that’s not the kind of life that i was created to live. i was made to be ALIVE. 

i can remember it clear as day, right then, i start declaring— “Lord, i thank you that i am ALIVE in you.” in that moment i made a decision, that i didn’t want to feel / act / or be dead inside anymore. that moment was the turning point for me. there were no fireworks. there was no explosion in the sky of magic. there was no immediate miracle. i left the parking lot with tears in my eyes and hope in my heart. 

the next day didn’t feel or look any different. and my situation didn’t change just because i made a decision in an empty parking lot of a gas station in the middle of the night. but, regardless, on the inside — every time i felt the darkness of depression i would combat it with saying “Lord, i thank you that i am alive in you.”

it was battle— a battle to intentionally refocus my mind every time my mind started drifting into a downward spiral. change wasn’t immediate, but change did come. primavera came, hope came, and beauty rose from the ashes. 

while our stories and journeys may be different, and while i hope that you can find someone that you can talk to about what you’re going through — 

here’s what i would say to you: 

1. make a decision that you aren’t going to be a victim of your situation anymore.

no matter what happened, no matter how everything came about, no matter whose fault it was, or who did what to you— make a decision that you are going to take control and no longer allow yourself or others to label you as a victim. when battling depression, it’s so easy to become “reactive” to everything around us. instead of reacting to everything that happens— to you and around you— decide that you’re going to be “pro-active” and that you are going to take control of what thoughts you entertain, what voices you listen to, and what happens in your day-to-day. bad things may have happened to you, life may have hit you too hard, too fast, and too many times — but you are not a victim and you have nothing to be ashamed of. YOU ARE ROYALTYa person of worth, a person of value, a person created to rise above. remember that. 

2. find scriptures that you can declare over yourself.

sometimes, when you’re battling depression, “trusting God” feels like such a lofty thing. kinda like your trying to grab the wind, but can’t… you know? find a few verses that resonate with you, bring you hope, build you up, and combat what you are feeling. begin speaking / praying / and declaring those verses over yourself. for me, it was ephesians 2:3— i kept saying, “i was made to be alive. i refuse to walk around feeling dead inside. i thank you, God, that by your grace i am alive in you.” this will take the loftiness out of trying to trust God and give you something tangible to hold onto and believe in. so, instead of trying to catch the wind, you’ll feel like you’re holding onto a rope.

3. pair your lament with praise.

 it’s okay to admit what you’re feeling. i think, as christians, many of us grow up thinking that it’s wrong to admit our frustration to God. but, can i tell you? i don’t think God minds lament. your frustration, your hurt, your lament— it doesn’t offend him. learning this brought me so much freedom. i can remember being so frustrated with life and feeling like i needed to filter what i said to God. but, all of that changed when i read pslam 13 — i realized, heck!! david expressed frustration and he was God’s favored. he says, “long enough, God — you’ve ignored me long enough. i’ve look at the back of your head for long enough.”  gah. the pain he must have felt. david probably had so many similar to feelings to both of us. we could have probably all formed a support group. but, what i love about david— is he didn’t end the pslam in frustration. he ended it in praise. he says,i’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms— i’m celebrating our rescue. i’m singing at the top of my lungs. i’m so full of answered prayers.” it’s okay to lament, friend. it’s okay to be frustrated. but, what matters is that we end each of these conversations with a posture of praise — saying, “God, i don’t get why the heck this is all happening, why i feel like this, why people have abandoned me— but, regardless, i am choosing to praise You because you are my King.” praise even when it hurts. praise even when you don't understand. because, our praise will always lead us to the light – it'll always lead us to breakthrough. 

4. journal.

journaling was my saving grace during this season of life. i didn’t always have someone to talk, especially since i didn’t have a therapist or counselor. but being able to get all my feelings out on paper and be so incredibly honest with what was going on in life and how i was feeling was so relieving. instead of everything feeling bottled up inside of me, writing things out was like a release and a detox for my soul. 

5. have grace for yourself.

a lot of times, we keep ourselves in dark places by putting the pressure on ourselves to “be better”. we get annoyed and frustrated with ourselves for still being “stuck” or for “not getting over it”. when in reality, if we just gave ourselves a little grace — we’d give ourselves room to get out of tight space we are in. it’s okay that everything in your world isn’t “perfect” and that maybe it’s a bit “messy”. what is important is that you acknowledge it. don’t try to hide what’s going on in your world. don’t try to ignore it. acknowledge and identify all your feelings.

picture it like this— your room is a complete mess with clothes all over the floor, laundry pouring out of the hamper, chinese take out boxes from last night’s dinner, a suitcase all jumbled up from your vacation that was three weeks ago, and make-up sprawled out all over your bathroom counter. and in the mess — you’re trying to find your passport for your upcoming trip. ignoring the mess isn’t going to help you find your passport. and neither is getting frustrated with your mess and turning your room upside down again, throwing shirts and shoes around like a tornado. it’s just going to make things worse. what needs to happen is to acknowledge the mess and to little by little start putting things in order. maybe, you start with taking out the trash and picking up the takeout box. then maybe, a couple days later, you find time to unpack your suitcase and put the dirty clothes in the laundry. and, little by little, as the week carries on— your room gets clean. and, at the end of it, you’re able to find your passport which was sitting underneath a book on your nightstand. the same works with your soul and life. sometimes, it’s a straight up mess — and it’s not asking that we clean up and make it all better at a snap of a finger, but it’s asking that we give ourselves little grace and find hope again by cleaning up little by little. 

6. remember you are strong.

it’s really easy to forget your own strength when you feel like life has been kicking you around — but, remember, you are strong. this may be the most intense battle that you have faced yet — but you are strong enough to conquer it. you conquer it by not giving up on yourself, by everyday waking up and believing you are strong enough despite how you feel.

7. keep showing up.

keep showing up for life. sometimes, getting out of bed seems like the biggest chore and you’d rather be living life in your dreams than your reality. but, keep showing up. keep getting out of bed. keep getting ready for your day. keep taking care of yourself. keep putting a smile on your face even though it feels hard. keep loving on other people even though you’re the one needing love. keep “seeing” other people even when you’re dying to be seen. keep showing up. because, one day, you’re going to show up and feel really good! and it won’t be a chore anymore. 

you’re going to get through this. and when you do, you are going to be so much stronger. i know it hurts, i know it’s hard, i know you feel stuck — i’ve been there. but, God is good. he hasn’t left you. he hasn’t abandoned you. he hasn’t forgotten you. he hasn’t taken back his promises to you. they are still there. all of heaven is working on your behalf. there is light at the end of the tunnel. keep walking towards it. the shadow always proves the sunlight.

_______

if you are walking through depression, please know, you are not alone. i'd love to talk to you, to be a friend you — email me at hello@lindseyeryn.com. i promise, i'll write you back.

also, whether you have championed through depression before or not or are currently walking through it — i invite you to be a part of the conversation. my friends at link of hearts are doing some amazing work to spread awareness and start the conversation with their unique #greenelephantintheroom necklace. 20% of proceeds go to develop programs for high school and university students. i cannot say it enough — THIS IS NEEDED. 

an open letter to all my girlfriends

read time: 7 mintues 

song: georgia by vance joy 

dear girlfriend who cried herself to sleep last night,

i wanted to write you, because i feel it so strongly in my heart... you need to know this: you are worthy.

i know, i know — at this point, in our culture, it's almost a cliché to say this. and maybe, sometimes, it doesn't hold much value for you. but, you need to know how true this statement is.

you deserve so much more than what you are experiencing right now. you deserve a man who is going to fight for you, who isn't going to be wishy washy about his feelings for you, string you along, or let you slip through his fingers.

you deserve a man who pursues you, like the fairytale kind of pursuit. i know it doesn't seem like that exists anymore and our culture has told us, as women, that we should / can / ought to pursue men, too — but that's not how it's supposed to be.

i just feel it in my bones– the man you are supposed to be with is a warrior who is going to love you and chase you without abandon. there won't be any of this limbo, back and forth, middle school kind of pursuit. and you won't need to read "he's just not that into you" to figure out what the heck is going on with you two. you're gonna know without any reservations that his love and adoration is reckless and boundless.

that's how it was designed to be.

don't give into what culture has told us we need to do as "modern women". let your man be a man. don't take away his manliness by making all the first moves.

wait. be patient. because, you are worthy all on your own. there's no prerequisite or condition to this — YOU ARE WORTHY.

you are a woman worth pursuing, a woman worth loving.

as women, it’s not uncommon to get this (silly) notion that all the good men are taken and feel that waiting for a man to relentlessly pursue you is fantastical. sometimes, i think we get in this "survival" mode — where we think to ourselves, "i'll just take what i can get."

boyfriend may have a few good qualities that you like, and, maybe, even love. he might be kind, handsome, and share a similar interest as you. and maybe he’s the guy that all the other girls are crushing on — but, don't settle just because you are not sure if what you’re desire exists in the world.

if you're dreaming of someone — how he will be, how he will love you, how he will pursue you, how he will treat you like a queen, and love you for you — he's out there. i promise. your heart and dreams will never tease you with lofty ideas, but they'll always show you glimmers of what the future could be.

you don't need to settle for the guy who is just "good enough." because, at the end of the day, that's not being fair to either of you. you both deserve to be with people who you are a perfect match for— who together you sparkle in the sunshine and glow in even the darkest moments.

don't be tainted by how the rest of society is approaching the whole love situation. let's be honest, they say they have the answers and they know everything, but most of them out there wandering the world with broken hearts and broken relationships. not to be harsh or anything, but it's not like their advice, of just taking the guy who is "good enough" and "fits the bill", is really working for them

i know you, you want that beautiful, write-a-song-about-it, breathtaking, ravishing kind of love story. don't give up on believing for it and waiting for it. i know it exists. i know it exists for you.

quit thinking it'll happen for everyone else minus you. you're no exception. love is going to find you. your manly warrior is going to find you. you won't have to go looking for him or try to get him to notice you. you won't have to compete for his attention. you won't have to try to make him jealous. because, when he sees you, it's going to be pure magic. electricity is going to pierce the atmosphere.

it can happen for you. but, you have to give life the opportunity to take your breath away and believe for the fairytale. you have to take the daring risk to stop preoccupying yourself with boys and relationships that aren't right. and be brave enough to hold out for the right man.

i know that sometimes you question — "is this the person i am supposed to be with?" "is there even such thing as ‘spark’?" "should i be compromising what i want?" "are my expectations unattainable?"

deep down inside, i think you know the answer to all those things. you know that you should never lessen yourself, your values, your beliefs, or what you want in order to be with someone. the person you are with should love you for who you are, they ought to treat you like a queen, and push you to be better. the person you are with ought to be celebrating every crevice of who you are. and who you are as individuals ought to compliment each other in such a way that is captivating. you shouldn't ever have to change the core of who you are for anyone.

you shouldn't, for a split second, have to question his loyalty to you. you shouldn't be living on edge wondering if he is gonna wake up the next day and leave you. you shouldn’t be wondering if what you said last night is going to freak him out and make him never want to call you again. you shouldn’t be in constant turmoil trying to figure out if you are “too much” or “not enough” for him. you shouldn’t feel like you have to tame your dreams in order to make him feel more secure about who he is and what he is doing in life. you shouldn’t always have to build him up only to get nothing back in return. you shouldn’t be lying in bed wondering why he’s still awake liking other girl’s photos on instagram but not texting you back. you shouldn’t be distracted while working on your dream wondering if this is or isn’t the thing. you shouldn’t be waiting on the edge of your seat all week for him to call you — only to get a call from him at  11:59 PM on saturday night asking you to hang out. you shouldn’t feel like you need to change your body in order for him to like you more. you shouldn’t feel like you have a to force a spark between you two. you shouldn’t have to be figuring out why he texts you the sweetest things, but then ignores you in front of his friends. you shouldn't have to question if they are going to love you unconditionally and put your needs first.

because love is patient and kind. love never gives up. it is loyal and unconditional. love cares for others more than itself and always forgives. love doesn't have a swelled head or force itself on others. love doesn't keep score. love believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. love never fails.

don't be afraid to wait for the one that makes your heart melt– the wild man who won't give up on loving you.

he's out there. that’s the truth of the matter.

so, don't settle. k? because all of this —  it's not a silly notion.

just promise me one thing — that you'll believe so much in your own worthiness that you won't ever settle or let anyone make you feel unworthy while you wait for your person— the one who sets your soul on fire.

you are worthy. and you deserve the most breathtaking and spectacular love story full of pink sunsets and stolen midnight kisses.

you are loved, my sweet friend.

dealing with my humanity

CubaDayOne35.jpg

readtime: 6 minutes

song: tenerif sea by ed sheeran

i went to bed and woke thinking about the same thing — humanity. so, at this point, i am fairly certain that i am supposed to write about this, think about this, and at the very least process my own humanity. 

in our culture, we talk a lot about “authenticity” and being your “authentic self”. but, personally, i’m not hearing much talk about being human and embracing the messiness and realness of our humanity. 

when i think about authenticity — i think about being honest and true. being forthcoming, and not hiding the things that i’ve been through in order to paint myself in a better light. i think about sharing my story in a way that is compelling and moving to others. i think about truthfulness, purity, and genuinely walking through life. 

and when i reflect on how i live my life — i feel as if i do a pretty good job at being authentic. what i feel like i am not good at— showing my humanity. 

because, i am starting to feel as if there is a difference. and maybe, it’s because i have been holding myself to a different standard and everyone else has the whole authentic thing down pat, in such a way, that also lends to showing their humanity. but, either way, i am coming to the conclusion that, for me— it’s okay to be human. it’s okay for my humanity to be a real part of a situation. 

(as i am writing, i am thinking — bare with me. part of this new daily writing thing that i promised myself included taking the pressure off myself. which includes, not taking long pauses to think while writing. because when you do, that’s when writing becomes a chore. right? i think we’ve all been there. so, all that to say, if you’re reading this daily writings they really are more like sitting down with me for a glass of wine or a cup of coffee — because at some point, i’ll be bound to ramble off about something.) 

okay, so take this past weekend for instance — my sister’s wedding. 

i love my sister and i think she realizes it now— but her wedding day was a super hectic and stressful day for me with errands upon errands. i had my list and my timeline, and on paper everything was going to be done at 11 AM just in time for me to come back to my house and get my hair done and photograph my sister getting into her wedding dress. 

that. did. not. happen. 

the morning did not go as planned, i was two hours off my timeline due to reasons that were unforeseen (as always). and, while i was moving as fast as i could from place to place— you can only go so fast in a lexus SUV when you’re driving around a car full of wedding centerpieces and your sister’s wedding cake. the normal 80 MPH was looking more like 60 MPH — which, if you know me, you know that’s a major driving breakthrough. 

i dragged my cousin along with me to run all the errands, because there was no way in heaven that i’d be able to transport everything by myself — everything is always better in twos. as we are driving to drop off the cake at the reception venue, i looked at the clock and started to tear up. i was unthinkably behind schedule and was probably going to miss getting ready with my sister, photographing her getting in her white dress, and at the end of it — i was probably going to only have 30 minutes to get ready for her wedding. on top of that, i was feeling immensely guilty for being stressed on my sister’s wedding day. not that i’ve spent lots of sleepless moments in bed thinking about what my sister’s wedding day will be like (sorry, kim!), but, whatever i was imagining did not involve being stressed to the max. there was a cloud of guilt hanging over me making me feel like, “you should have this all together. you shouldn’t be having these feelings right now.” like, my own self, was shaming me for feeling stressed and for experiencing very human emotions. and within all that, i didn’t want my cousin to see my cry. i didn’t want her to see my humanity. i didn’t want anyone to know, like really know, that i didn’t have a handle on it. 

i think THIS is what i’m getting at— i think that what i have been seeing in myself (and, if i’m being honest, in some others) — is that we don’t want to allow ourselves to be human nor do we want others to experience our humanity and see us dealing with real human emotions. 

personally, it probably has to do a lot with my personality type and who i have become in recent years and what i expect out of myself — but either way, i am on a mission to extend myself a little more grace and give myself room to be human. 

i’m not a huge fan of reality TV (minus the bachelor, but ask me what their name is after their season is over and i won’t remember who you’re talking about). but, i am beginning to realize that one of the reasons our culture, as a whole, is so obsessed with reality TV is because we see their humanity. and, while often times, their humanity becomes some sort of comedic relief to us — still, we see it and we appreciate it because at the end of the day — their humanity is relatable. 

i don’t want to make a blanket statement about everyone and how they interact with the idea and concept of “authenticity” — because, frankly, i don’t know. and quite honestly, i don’t want to be the judge of that. 

but i do want to suggest that we throw something else on the table as well as the idea of “authentic”, because i think “authentic” may not cut it. i think that authenticity is beautiful, needed, and inspiring — but showing pieces of our humanity to others allows for us to be relatable. it brings us back to a place of humility. showing our humanity gives us the opportunity to be community to one another and to lift each other up — because in those very real human moments — you need someone else to come alongside of you and be the breath beneath your wings. you can’t do it on your own. you need someone else to come beside you and tell you that “it’s going to be okay”. 

people need to see our humanity. but, more than that, i think that each of us need to be okay with our own humanity. (and that includes me).

we need to give ourselves grace when we experience those very human moments. forego, the need / the desire / the expectation to be perfect. and be humble enough to let someone else be strong for us every now and then. 

_______

what are your thoughts — humanity and authenticity. do you think there is a difference? how do you navigate through the waters of authenticity and showing your humanity?